Authentic Christianity

Over the past few days I’ve been working my way through some sermons, in a podcast, that deal with being real. And it has really challenged me. 

I am not really real at all. Not to anyone. Once upon a time when a friend asked me if I’d like to go to prayer ministry, I laughed and told her that if I did that I think I’d break down and never stop crying. I had the same thoughts about going to therapy/counselling. And you know what - it was partly true! When I started going to see my wonderful counsellor I cried buckets - every single week! And although I got through it, the one thing it did do was bring my many issues up to the surface so that I have to deal with them. 

That was 2 years ago. And since then I’ve been fighting hard to get them back into their little box that I’d originally hid them in. And because of that I have piled on the pounds to such an extent that I’m a walking heart attack... I’ve isolated myself so much that I can’t remember the last time I saw my best friend or any of my sisters... and I’ve procrastinated so much that my garage looks like an episode of hoarders again.

None of that is good. Yet it’s all because I’m scared to step up, stop being a silly little girl who likes to pass control and problems onto someone else’s shoulders, and actually own my life. That involves making hard decisions, creating discipline where there is none and actually taking responsibility for my issues... before dealing with them. 

It’s going to be a long process, but I’m being real today. I am in a bad place because I refused to address my issues and the only way through it is to lean on our Saviour and walk through it with Him. 

Now - when I say everything that’s above - I’m actually totally ok on the outside and apart from the odd blip, doing fine when I have to interact with anyone and for once it’s not just ‘blame it on the depression’ talk - but I want to be real. These last weeks have been a really interesting beginning to a story that I’m trusting will be amazing! I’m so upbeat about what God has planned for me, but I’ve still to go through this hard process. 

Everyone has things they need to walk through. Most wont share like I do. But that’s ok! 

And please - if you read this - no phone calls to the parents asking what’s up! I’m being real. I’m being authentic. And I’m being me. 

Thank you being here on my journey. 

Blessings x