If...

I have gotten myself into a lot of bother with this little word. Between adding it to the word ‘what’ and putting it before ‘only’ things are not good.

What if… I’m not able to balance everything in my life?

What if… I don’t get my degree and then I’ll have wasted more time and money?

What if… people don’t like me and only tolerate me?

If only… I could lose a couple of stone then I’d feel much better.

If only… I could figure out how to keep everyone happy all the time.

If only… I could be like xxx and learn how to make our house a beautiful home.

So many ideas of what I’d like to do. So many ideas of things I’d like to happen. But how many of them actually come true? Hardly any.

I’ve spoken before about how I’m not a great finisher of things – like the time I started ballet, or violin lessons, or the Bible study classes… only to stop before I’d completed anything. But that’s not what I mean here. I’m talking about all those times, ideas and thoughts that I sit, and wish, or plan, but never happen. And I’m talking about all those thoughts that run through your head until they nearly make you crazy.

I am a Christian. Now – I’m not a great Christian but I am a real Christian with real problmes. I don’t get to church very often because of issues inside my head (but I’ll talk about that another time), and my daily readings are not entirely regular, but I love God with all my heart and I am so thankful for everything He has done for me. I am constantly failing and having to come back and try again and again, but I know ultimately He holds me in His hands and will never let go.

So what about all my ‘what if’s and ‘if only’s?

The biggest thing that I need to remember in all of these is that God is in control. It doesn’t do any good to worry about things or stress. I mean I can change very little in my life by simply worrying about it! But if I daily give my life to God that can make all the difference in the world.

So time for another of my little challenges…

A little aside… You may ask ‘Why do you always give yourself challenges?’ Well I’ll tell you. I need a challenge to help me focus. I have slight mental health issues – yep I mean I’m slightly crazy (you all know me!!) BUT I also have trouble focusing on things and prioritising things and mainly completing tasks. So I set myself mini-challenges to try to help that!

So then, my challenge is to spend this month in daily prayer, focusing on God and not on what I have to do or what ifs. I want to focus on Him, to get my head focused on Hid Word and nothing else, and to get BACK TO CHURCH. I need this more than anything yet for me its so hard. And then next month I’ll add something else into my wee challenge!

I want balance. I want to get my degree. I want people to like me. I want to lose weight. I want to make me family happy.  I want to make my house a home.

But none of these will matter if my relationship with God is lacking or gone. He is my first priority and my whole heart. So lets get going!

(This post is written in association with Five Minute Friday which gives you a word as inspiration.)