So one of the parts of my life that I truly struggle with is my weight. I’ve been big for as long as I can remember - I was at least a size 14/16 when I got married and just got bigger after that. I have had four children, but honestly, I can’t even count that as part of my problem. I had really bad gallbladder problems throughout my pregnancies so I actually lost weight because I was forced to eat really healthy and bland food. Unfortunately that obviously didn’t last!
Today I am sitting at one of my highest weights and I am embarrassed to look in the mirror. All I see are the rolls, the cellulite and the triple chin I’ve recently acquired.
I feel worthless. I feel embarrassed. I feel as if it’s too big a problem so instead of trying I should just dive into another tub of Ben and Jerry’s ice-cream...
But that's not going to do it!!!
Sometimes you can find amazingly inspiring quotes in the strangest of places. I was reading a novel a couple of years ago and looked it up again recently - and I wanted you to share it with you.
“Think of it as a journey that you are driving. Suddenly you realize you are going in the wrong direction, have been for some time. Do you pull over and spend hours trying to figure out why you went the wrong way? No, you turn the car around and start to drive in the right direction. Along the way, you start to think about the reason you got off course, but you do that as you’re headed toward your destination.”
I always thought I needed to have a plan, a reason and a why before I would be able to properly lose weight. But maybe I don't. Maybe I've been avoiding what follows.
"Fear.
And it was because she had built her life around being fat. And that was changing."
It hit me that that is my problem. I self-sabotage constantly because I'm afraid of losing weight and being slim. And that's just stupid!
It's not as if I would be slim in a month either! It's going to take me about a year to get to where I want to be, but I am still scared. Life would be lived from a different perspective - instead of being the fat girl who can joke and laugh at herself or who makes everyone else look good.
I know it doesn't exactly make sense, but that's one of the beautiful things in life. You get to take a situation that looks all skewed and let God take it to make it right. So that's what I'm going to do.
I joined Weight Watchers this week - just to give me a wee kick start. And this week coming I'm planning on starting to do a little walking every day.
It's the little things that will make the difference for me, and that's about all I can handle right now. I'll be relying on God majorly - and that's right where I want to be.
“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.”
Romans 5:3-5 NLT
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