Today I am writing to myself. This is a message I think we all need to hear over and over again.
Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to live our lives as we think we are supposed to live. Think about the course of a day...
- Wake up - usually earlier than everyone else so that you can get yourself sorted for the day ahead in a little bit of peace and quiet.
- Get up, washed, dressed - and already your mind is racing with all the different things you need to accomplish.
- Have breakfast - but realistically apart from this morning, I can't remember the last day I actually did this. I get too distracted to sit down and actually eat.
- Start to make a 'to-do' list - you can list you normal everyday jobs, the specific jobs that need done today, but you will always have another list at the back of your mind that has at least 100 other things that you'd love to get done... and another 100 that you think you should be doing.
- Try to accommodate everyone else who is living in your house - getting in your way - giving you even more jobs - and who sometimes then can annoy you by just breathing!
- Lunchtime - and since everyone is at home it becomes a full on meal involving cooking and dishes and washing up and why oh why are they eating so much?
- The afternoon - there are always a million jobs to do but you are tired from running around all morning - even if it is only your mind that's been running. It's exhausting. You just want to nap or read a book or get a massage - OK so that's probably not realistic but you still dream! Instead you work out what everyone else needs help with, sort some more laundry or cupboards out, and then comes...
- Dinner - oh yeah it's eating time again so that involves more preparing and cooking and trying to come up with interesting things to eat since we've been living off the same 5-7 meals for the last year solid.
- And then after tea - everyone has somewhere to be - whether its football training, movie night - where we all have our own seats by the way and dear help you if you sit on someone else's! - or games night where no mercy is shown!!
- And finally collapse into bed exhausted...
Well, I don't know about you but that's definitely the way my life feels as if it always goes - a chronic mad rush from I get up to going to bed again. And I don't mean that I don't love my life, I truly do and I know how very blessed I am... but I do feel the pressure of having to get everything done and I feel like I fail a lot. A lot.
I want so much to be able to go to bed one night and sigh happily at the thought that I have done everything I wanted and needed to get done.
I've spoken about my battle with depression a lot, but this is one of ways I really find it hard. My head messes with me, telling me that I've failed to do what every other woman, wife, mother finds easy. So I need to remind myself that its OK to not be OK. It's totally OK to have a slow day, as long as it doesn't turn into a slow week or month (I've had those too so I know the dangers!).
So today I want to remind myself, and whoever needs to hear it -
You don't have to do it all.
You don't have to do it perfectly.
You don't have to do it all by yourself.
Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed not just survived.
You're going to be OK.
We are in this together ladies, and the whole point of me sharing my thoughts on here is to let you know that you are not alone if you are struggling. Lift that chin, turn that frown upside down and know you are truly loved - no matter what you've done today!
Remember God loves you and you can do this!
Tanya ♥
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